All of us have regrets. When people make a choice they believe led to an unfavorable outcome or later wish they could do differently, they experience feelings of regret.

A recent study shows that regret tends to be experienced differently, depending on one's age and whether the regret is regarding something recent or long-ago.

People have regrets about the choices they have made that they later regretted, such as choosing a particular car or major; and regrets about things they didn't do, such as failing to pursue a particular interest or opportunity.

Researchers at Cornell University examined how age and time shape people's emotional response to regret. “Regrets are incredibly common. Almost all of us experience big regrets in our personal and professional lives — from marrying the wrong person to never finishing college,” explained lead author, Julia Nolte, PhD, now of Tilburg University in the Netherlands. “The good news is that for many of us, the experience of regret seems to become less negative with age.”

The researchers asked 90 U.S. adults between the ages of 21 and 89 years old to list up to five of their biggest regrets from the last year. Then they asked the participants to describe their biggest recent regret in more detail, including how long ago it occurred and what emotions it evoked.

The study differentiated between commission-based regrets — the choices people made that they later regretted, such as choosing the wrong college major or ending a relationship — and omission-based regrets, those involving times they regretted failing to do something, such as not pursuing a particular interest or opportunity.

Participants were also queried about their long-term regrets, including their biggest long-term regret and what they felt they could do to manage their regret, either by changing their decision or how they felt about it.

How one deals with regret is affected by age, they found; and age differences in patterns of regret showed up in a variety of ways. Older adults reported having fewer recent regrets than younger adults. They also mentioned fewer recent commission-based regrets, but more omission-based regrets.

One reason for this difference is that older people tend to be more deliberate in their strategies than younger people. “They think more before they act,” the study's senior author, Corinna Löeckenhoff, told TheDoctor. They are also more likely than younger adults to seek help from other people or delay making a decision altogether, she added.

Regrets that elicited intense emotions like anger or frustration were less common among older than younger adults. As people get older, Löeckenhoff explained, they get better at managing their emotions and avoiding potentially stressful and upsetting situations. “We have more experience regulating our emotions, and we have a stronger interest in savoring the moment because we know our time is more limited,” she said.

People think regret teaches them to make better choices in the future, but older adults may get other benefits, such as the chance to reflect on things and look for meaning in their regrets.

Older adults tend to see long-term regrets from a different perspective. Older age is generally associated with taking a broader view of life choices and reflecting on one's life as a whole and how one's life makes sense, said Löeckenhoff, the Janet and Gordon Lankton professor of psychology at Cornell. As a result, “Older adults' remorse is more deliberate.”

Future research might compare the psychological purpose of regret for older adults to its purpose for younger ones, Nolte, who in addition to Löeckenhoff, collaborated with co-author Justine Lewis, now an adjunct assistant professor at Tompkins Cortland Community College in Dryden, New York, on the study, said. “People think regret teaches them to make better choices in the future, but older adults may get other benefits, such as the chance to reflect on things and look for meaning in their regrets,” she added.

More work is also needed to better understand why older persons experience regret differently from younger adults. “These changes may reflect generational shifts, rather than aging,” said Nolte.

The study is published in Emotion.