It can feel awkward to decline an invitation, even to a fun activity such as a sporting event. In fact, people sometimes accept invitations even though they would rather say no. The reason people tend to do this? They worry about the feelings of the people who invited them.

“When we are invited to an event, we want to please our friend,” Julian Givi, the lead author of a study looking at how people may actually feel when their invitations are declined, told TheDoctor. We tend to think our friends will focus on the fact we said no, but in general, those who have extended the invitation believe invitees put some thought into whether or not to attend and therefore had a reason for their decision.

“People whose invitations are declined give their friends the benefit of the doubt,” explained Givi, an assistant professor of marketing at West Virginia University.

With the holiday season in full swing, you may be feeling the need to decline an invitation.

Givi and his colleague Colleen Kirk, an associate professor of marketing at the New York Institute of Technology, did five experiments involving 2,000 people. In one experiment, participants either gave or received a hypothetical invitation to an event at a restaurant.

Those who received the invitation were told to decline because they had plans earlier in the day and wanted to stay home and relax. They thought the friends who invited them would be angry or disappointed, and would not invite them to future events.

The invitees may have felt their friends would focus on the rejection itself, rather than the thought process that led them to decline the invitation, Givi said. People may exaggerate how much the person who invited them will focus on the declined invitation, rather than the reason why the invitation was declined.

In another experiment, the researchers recruited 160 people to participate in a couples survey with their significant other. First, one partner was asked to leave the room where the survey was taking place. The other partner wrote a note inviting their significant other to a fun activity within the next few weeks. Then they left the room, and their partner returned to find the invitation. That partner was asked to write a note saying they would rather just stay home. The couple then traded places again so the person who wrote the invitation could read the rejection.

“People consistently overestimated how upset someone will be when they decline an invitation, even if they have a longstanding relationship.”

Regardless of the length of the couple's relationship, the person who rejected the invitation believed their partner would be angrier or feel more rejected than they actually did. “People consistently overestimated how upset someone will be when they decline an invitation, even if they have a longstanding relationship,” the researchers said.

With the holiday season in full swing, you may be feeling the need to decline an invitation. Hopefully, these experiments will put your mind at ease. Chances are your host will understand.

Future studies may look at the consequences of declining invitations for different reasons or in different study populations, the researchers said. The consequences of declining invitations to more significant life events is another area for further study.

The study is published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.